Cowering
So I spent the night at Mom’s house last night (and am still there currently) because today is the big day. Today she moves out. We went to dinner last night at Outback and had a good time eating some really nice rare filets. I helped her pack some stuff when we got back home and then we layed around a bit and talked. I forgave her last night. I don’t know why, but there is something intangable about this girl that makes me want to be a better person, be a stronger person and do whatever I have to to keep her in my life. Even if it is just as a friend. It is going to be so hard but I know in the long run it is worth it and it is something I have to do. Just like how I felt that our relationship was just a natural extension of our friendship I think that after 9 years our friendship is just a natural extension of who we are. I don’t really believe in ‘soul mates’ or anything like that persay anymore, but there is certainly something between her and I that I cannot ignore, something that has caused us to find eachother time and again.
That said it is not without a good bit of fear that she leaves today. She has been my roommate for 1 year and 363 days, and we have been inseperable for nearly 3 and a half years. I know that we need this time apart, that we have to grow and figure out what we want out of life. I know that we’re both going to try very hard to remain close friends. She is my best friend and I am hers; that isn’t something either of us take lightly. But we truely are throwing our fates up in the air and letting the wind take them. I don’t know what our chances are, it isn’t going to be easy for either of us to live without the other, we have depended on each other for so long and on top of that we have to grow for our own sakes during this time.
So I am scared, and I’m hiding because I can’t watch her leave. But I think this is well and truely our only hope for true happiness.
Even though she doens’t read this… I think this sums up the best part of our relationship:
“To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage.” — Lao Tzu
Tags: love, lust, gluttony