Insomnia part duex
It’s 5:50 AM EST right now and I’m awake. Why the hell am I awake? I am back at my home, in a bed (after she and I broke up I had slept on the couch for the first 3 weeks or so) that is actually mine from before all of this (when we moved out, we took her bed which I had been sleeping in for the last almost two years). I am tired, but I can’t sleep. And it’s not even that my mind is really racing, or my heart is really heavy at the moment. I just can’t sleep.
She is leaving for the weekend soon and I had hoped to be asleep when she left. It appears to me that since she is leaving at 8:30 AM I may not get that wish.
It is so wierd that she makes me feel so safe. It is also wierd what us breaking up has made me realize. I am sure I appreciate our time together much more than I had in the recent past, probably because I only have a few short weeks of it left. It is going to be a big change not having her around anymore. My
safety net is going away.
I keep making jokes along the lines of ‘how will you do (x) without me?’ as we do stuff around the house and I think the reality is that I’m asking myself ‘how am I going to do anything without you?’ Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to spin completly out of control, but it’s a huge shift of reality for me and I really don’t know what it’s going to be like at all. All I can do now is follow my heart and hope that it leads me through all this.
God I wish I could sleep.
On the upside, when her and I were out earlier last night at Target we ran into one of my co-workers and he told me that his second daughter was just born!! Her and the mom apperantly are doing fine and he
was just in there to pick up some baby formula!!
Tags: love, lust, gluttony