The aftermath, morning 1
So I was kind of worried last night that the reason I felt better wasn’t because I sat down and talked to her, but because we spent time together. She has become such a constant in my life in the last few years that even just coming home and knowing she’s in the house has made me feel better. So of course after I started talking to her last night I started feeling alot better. Seeing her smile at my lame jokes, even seeing her cry all made me feel better. I had so much emotion pent up inside me over this that I really felt exhausted after talking to her. It’s the next morning and I still feel better about it, I’m not sure still if I can forgive her but the unrelenting anger inside me is ebbing. I kinda knew that I had to do this if we were going to ever have a chance at even friendship after this and I can feel that I was right now…. it’s the same kind of emotional exhaustion I felt the first time we slept together years ago, which think was about the same time I first told her I loved her.
Welp, at the very least I have no more secrets, she knows exactly how I feel and what the stakes are — the rest is up to time and karma to decide. I will walk my path, she will walk hers and that is all we can do. The words I left her with last night were “It has been a pleasure.” It truely was and it is only because of that fact that I am even trying to forgive her.
Tags: love, lust, gluttony